Upville, Season 2, Ep. 4: Prescryptor’s Proposition

“Not too bad,” came a low voice.  “Not too bad, at all.” Fern sat up from the green linoleum floor and focused on the darkened figure perched atop the counter. “I’ll be honest,” he said, hopping down, “I wasn’t expecting much out of you.” “Prescryptor,” said Fern. Prescryptor’s signature mint and navy outfit gripped his … More Upville, Season 2, Ep. 4: Prescryptor’s Proposition

Upville, Season 2, Ep. 3: Out. Up. Gone.

Clarence didn’t answer questions, anymore. No teachers called on him for certain solutions in viscous silences and no students leaned over for secondary explanations or even the occasional, quick confirmation.  Nobody asked, because Clarence had stopped answering.  How long ago was that, again?  One semester? Two? Clarence didn’t like counting backwards.  He only counted down … More Upville, Season 2, Ep. 3: Out. Up. Gone.

Upville, Season 2, Ep. 2: Dinner and Desserts

A quiet table covered in immaculate white lace.  Three glasses—two wine, one juice.  Five plates lit by frosted orange lights dangling in a tentative elegance.  One knife sawing through roast pork; two forks hovering anxiously above mashed potatoes. “You overcooked this meat, again,” rumbled a deep voice at the head of the table. “I’m sorry, … More Upville, Season 2, Ep. 2: Dinner and Desserts

Upville, Season 2, Ep. 1: Summer Cinders

The groan of cicadas wafted through the screen door into the kitchen.  Sunlight dripped off the faucet and ran into the studded, green linoleum, wavy with age, stopping just before two children lying flat on their backs, eyes languidly observing speckles of reflected light trace their way across the white ceiling, like an old, broken … More Upville, Season 2, Ep. 1: Summer Cinders

The Cooking Crisis

Look, I’m telling you this so you shut the hell up:  I’m terrible at cooking. I know this.  So don’t start with all of your cripplingly-high expectations and unsolicited encouragement.  It won’t change the fact that the spaghetti I’m about to eat tastes like someone put too much ketchup in taco sauce before covering it … More The Cooking Crisis

An Open Letter to People Who Write Sticky Notes

As much as I love your attempts to be as productive as you are passive-aggressive, I’m going to have to ask you to stop.  Stop writing 6-15 words on an obnoxiously luminescent piece of scrap with inferior glue on it and posting them everywhere.  Stop substituting interpersonal skills for Mickey Mouse prints and flowery initials.  … More An Open Letter to People Who Write Sticky Notes

Bloody Murder

I lie awake in my room, envisioning murder of the most satisfying sort when sleep dares not disturb my wrath.  There’s blood on my hands.  It glows with the sweetness of melted, watermelon Dum-Dums.  I have had a taste of vengeance, and it leaves my throat parched, my tongue searching the corners of my cheeks … More Bloody Murder

Top Reasons to Decline an Invitation to Run a 5k (Ft. Listina)

1.  Running sucks. 2.  Being sweaty for hours is miserable and foul. 3.  I haven’t run in over two years. 4.  The last time I ran, I was running from the police. 5.  Are hot girls gonna be there? 6.  Because if hot girls are gonna be there, then I may be able to make … More Top Reasons to Decline an Invitation to Run a 5k (Ft. Listina)

The “Dude Chuu”

During my habit of enjoying a bit of Japanese TV, I noticed something kind of funny and most certainly awesome:  the Dude Chuu.  Now, first let me explain that I completely and arbitrarily made that name up, because I think it sounds cool.  Second, the word chuu is one way to say “kiss” in Japanese.  … More The “Dude Chuu”